Exodus 20:14 Study Guide: Do Not Commit Adultery

Community Group Study Guide — The Seventh Commandment - Do Not Commit Adultery 
Exodus 20:14

Study Information:
Marriage has become less and less favorable in our culture. Fewer people are getting married, people who do get married are getting married later in life. There are many reason for this including poor examples of marriage in one’s personal life, a cultural vision prioritizing independence and economic achievement, and hyper sexualized content all around us…, just to name a few. Should marriage just be thrown out as an archaic thing of the past? Throughout our study on the Ten Commandments we have learned that God forbids what he hates so that we would pursue what he loves. In the seventh commandment God commanded “do not commit adultery” because he loves marriage. 

Marriage has its foundation at the beginning of history in the Garden of Eden. It was one of the first human institutions created by God. When God created Eve and presented her to Adam it was said “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh;” two lives, joined together to begin a new family. God values marriage so much that it was one of the primary metaphors he used to describe the relationship between Jesus and the church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Christians can honor  marriage by filing their marriage with love, respect and sacrificial serving so that it models Christ’s own ministry to the church. 

Do Not Commit Adultery
Exodus 20:14 and Matthew 5:27-30
God forbids adultery because he loves marriage and desires for his people to honor marriage. In the ancient world, marriage was a common cornerstone of society but the Bible’s teaching was extremely counter cultural in the standard it required for protecting the marriage covenant. In the Old Testament adultery was punishable by death for both the male and female participants (Lev 20:10). In the New Testament it was grounds for divorce for both the man and woman, which was counter cultural because most societies only allowed men to initiate a divorce and they could do so for any reason (Matt 5:32). The Roman world, which was the predominant culture during the New Testament, saw marriage as primarily for producing a family heir, so it was common for the wealthy and influential to have concubines or mistresses for romance making marriage primarily a legal arrangement. Instead God taught that marriage was about sacrificial and steadfast love and served to model Christ’s own love for the church. 

The ethical commands of the bible around sex and marriage are certainly counter cultural compared to today’s standards in Western culture. Our culture views the Christian vision of sex within marriage as prudish and that if something feels good and does not hurt someone else then you should go for it. God puts boundaries around sexual intimacy because of how precious it is. Biological studies show what the Bible teaches, that sex is more than a physical act. Sex actually releases chemical is the brain to bond you to the other person, or as God said “they shall become one-flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed (Genesis 2:24-25).” The biblical vision of Sex within marriage is about covenant, giving and vulnerability whereas the biblical warning for sex outside of marriage is that sex is primarily about consumption and gratification.

God forbids adultery because it is a dismantling of what God has made holy. This does not mean that there is no redemption or reconciliation for this sin, we know that God’s grace and repentance can lead to restoration. However we should see adultery for what it is and take measure to safeguard against it. Jesus taught that the root of adultery is often lust (Matthew 5:27-30). This commandment speaks to both the married and unmarried to guard their hearts against lust. Jesus used the image that we should cut off our hand or gouge out our eye if it causes us to sin because it is better to enter heaven without a hand or an eye than it is to be cast into hell. This is figurative language, but we should not dismiss the main idea which is “take this sin seriously!” This guarding includes our eyes, actions and thought life. Our world has commodified sex through things like pornography and sexualized content in movies, novels and shows. You may think this is a male only issue but some the best selling books are sexualized novels targeted to women age 30-50. Often this type of lust can also begin with one’s emotional life becoming intwined with someone who is not their spouse or can grow with entertaining emotional desires and dreams they wish they found in their spouse. Being part of a church means having relationships with men and women but notice that the Bible uses the image of brothers and sisters to describe the church. This means followers of Jesus should treat each other as brothers and sisters and not as potential sexual partners or emotional replacements to a wives or husband when they feel unfulfilled.  

Honoring Marriage
1 John 2:16-17
First, We can honor marriage by taking that which threatens it seriously. Do not give lust a foothold in your life. It is better to go without internet, instagram or any sort of temptation to our eyes than it is to allow lust a foothold in your life. Jesus instructed us to cut it off rather than allow it to get to our heart. Likewise, we should guard our thought life and not allow romantic or emotional thoughts to run wild in our minds whether we’re married or single. Both married couple and singles can have the challenge of emotional day dreaming that leads to unrealistic expectations or escapism. Instead we can fill our minds and hearts with whatever is true, pure and godly that allows for our relationship with Christ to be built up and therefore allow for our relationship with others to be godly (Phil 4:8-9).

Second we can seek community and confession. If you’re single and desire to get married, look to healthy marriages in the church. You can invite yourself over, ask questions and observe real life interactions. If you’re married and feel like you need some help, try to find a spiritually mature couple to mentor you and be real with them. If you’re struggling with lust bring it to the light through confession. You are not the only one struggling, you can find freedom and mutual help as you confess and draw deeper into Christian Community around the gospel.

Finally, do not coast in your marriage. It could be that you’ve been married for a while and you’re on cruise control. If you’re married, rejoice in the spouse the Lord has provided and continue to work on your marriage so that you grow in love and keep any sort of temptation away. It is easy to allow your marriage to become centered on things like kids and their schedules and to let small annoyances and inconveniences build up where you slowly drift from your spouse. Guard against this with intentional time with your spouse, have fun together and make sure your marriage is centered on Christ and how he has called you to love one another. 


At your community group:
Take 15-20 minutes to share about how God has been at work in your life, prayer concerns and pray for one another.

How did God speak to you through the scripture and the sermon this week? 

Discussion Questions:
Read Exodus 20:14

What are some ways that God’s commands around sexual intimacy show us the value he has placed on sex within marriage? 

How does the Christian sexual ethic differ from the ancient world and our modern culture?

Why do you think the Bible uses marriage as a way to describe the relationship between Christ and the church?

Imagine a friend came to you and told you that they were struggling with either lust or entertaining an emotional attachment to someone that was not their spouse. How would you counsel them and describe a few practical ways a married couple can safe guard their marriage against adultery?